illustration friday: feet

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Thu 23 Mar 2006 10:21 pm

watch the feet!

Watch the feet!

illustration friday: tattoo

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Tue 14 Mar 2006 11:46 pm

watch yr teenage daughters!

Man, there really wasn’t much you could do with this one, was there? Everybody’s just drawin’ tattoos. One I saw had a tattoo coming to life all D&D prestige class style. Not much else. I guess that’s all okay but it doesn’t give me personally much meat. Here’s what I was gonna do:

– tattoo artist who’s just given his subject a hitler mustache for yuks. Like a thirteen-year-old kid or something, not some hardened skinhead. Yeah. Yeah, that didn’t really work.

– this dude in the neighborhood, I call him Captain Ska. I think it’s a tattoo. He’s got a checkerboard pattern on his face – all over his face – to match his checkered jacket. No joke, this is Portland. But I didn’t remember what he looked like, exactly, and was so surprised when I saw him walking by I didn’t think to draw him.

– I don’t know, man, some evil priest that’s just kinda sitting there daydreaming out the window or maybe eating some mutton or other feudal crap, something real mundane you don’t think of evil priests as ever doing. Maybe taking a whiz at the side of the trail to the sacrificial temple or something. But see, that’s more about evil priests than tattoos. So yeah.

Anyways I wound up going the verité angle. There’s an artist I’m thinking of, I don’t remember his name – I saw a book of his in Powell’s, called “Pictures of Girls” (dork) – pretty recent stuff, 1998 and thereabouts, self-consciously hip pictures of Suicide Girl types, possibly even actual employees of the organization – but the point is, it all sounds miserable, but they were actually good pieces, or they looked like it in the book anyway. You can never tell with fine art. But they had a depth to them as well as an edge. My pic here’s not nearly as good on either dimension – it would help if I actually had intimate knowledge of sketchy mid ’90’s era tattoo shops – but I am gunning for some kind of psychological dynamic here and hopefully that’s apparent without me sitting here prompting you to see it.

If I’m good, I’ll remember to go into Powell’s tomorrow or the next day, dig up the book, and come back with his name, and maybe even a web link if we’re lucky.

illustration friday: insect

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Wed 8 Mar 2006 12:52 pm

base villainy!

Needless to say, Dr. Hidalgo Castro y Peña will never get away with this.

illustration friday: tea

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Tue 28 Feb 2006 12:02 am

time for a spot of tea

Time for some of that emo slice-a-life stuff. That right there is a real-life document of my afternoon. When I started working (or, lately, “working”) at home I really didn’t anticipate being driven so crazy by staying at home all the time, since I am basically a recluse. So for the past while I’ve taken to going to coffeeshops to get out of the stupid house (and sometimes have tea – but screw the stupid theme) and honestly it’s something I never imagined I would be doing. As a matter of fact, if you took my 19-year-old self and told him that sort of thing was in his future, well, his reaction… refer to figure 2.

fig. 2The result is decisive. This knowledge is the essence of existential exasperation, a new kind of exasperation to add to the panoply of exasperations life has to offer. Though. In my current self’s defense (this is really sounding schizophrenic. Next week I will treat you to a new mental disorder. I have so many to choose from) – in defense of my current self, I’m not real sure what my 19-year-old self thought life in the future was going to be like. Can’t really remember. Do remember senior year of college I was telling people I was probably gonna wind up working a day job. Oddly that hasn’t worked out. But I was smart enough – I’m sure I had a couple of scenarios in mind. It went pretty much like this.

scenario 1

I think this covers all the essentials. Maybe a little starry-eyed. I couldn’t really fit the urn that contained the remains of the publishing industry, but that was also an important part. However, I did think things through. I always knew there would be another option.

scenario 2

You see I was never entirely unrealistic.

illustration friday: song

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Thu 23 Feb 2006 3:46 pm

they are rockers.  they rock out.

I’ve never gotten to make anyone a band flyer and I’m kind of sad about it.

Of course, like an idiot, I had to come up with an idea that entailed me having to make up a band name to – it gets worse, believe me – match the picture. Foolish! Luckily it only took me a couple hours. See how I say luckily? That is how foolish I was.

By the way, I googled it, and if they’re any guide, nobody’s actually called their band “Crackbomb.” Nobody on the internet anyway. Probably some hardcore band in St. Louis circa 1985. So! If you wanna start a band, call it “Crackbomb” and I’ll let you use this picture. Lucky you! You’ll have to rig some way to play a gig at a place called “The Plant” at 9 though. That I can’t be responsible for.

illustration friday: simple

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Thu 16 Feb 2006 10:20 pm

this is simple.

Thinking about other things this week. Luckily the government came through and supplied me with an idea when I didn’t spend the time to come up with one myself. It’s great living in a socialist country!

Man, I remember when vice-presidents used to mostly stay out of sight and invent the internet. Those, those were the days.

illustration friday: chair

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Mon 6 Feb 2006 3:44 pm

There is no equal to Shaolin Jesus' style!

Remember when I said I’d spare you my vision of Shaolin Jesus? Of course you don’t. I have no regular readers! But that is not my point. The point is, what else the fuck am I gonna do with “chair”? Seriously. Chair? Desperate times call for desperate measures. That’s right. Shaolin Jesus.

My next promise is that I will spare you my depiction of Mohammed as a Mexican wrestler next week when the theme is, no, not “Danish cartoonists” – or “famous embassy disasters” – but “stapler.” That is because I will be inspired!

illustration friday: glamour

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Tue 31 Jan 2006 3:16 pm

glamour of sorts

Somewhere over the hills and deep in the desert, a lost chicklit book cries out for its missing cover.

illustration friday: cats

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Thu 26 Jan 2006 1:37 pm

cat spaz

Cat spaz!

In a lot of ways cats are the black hole of art, because most of their obvious qualities – grace, softness, poise – are present to such an extent that making art about it only makes it worse. It’s no coincidence that basically all the cats in popular culture ignore most of the attributes that make cats cats. They’re all graceless boors: Sylvester, Tom, Garfield, Bill, whoever. (Hobbes is about as debonair as they get, and he’s got some significant lumpy qualities, plus a few meta dimensions – and I’m not counting personalityectomies like the Pink Panther.) It’s an attempt to find something in these animals that we as humans can really relate to.

Oh and by the way I am a cat person. Dogs have different issues when it comes to drawing them, but they’re easier on the face of it, because most of their obvious qualities aren’t quite so unilaterally flattering.

illustration friday: e is for

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Wed 18 Jan 2006 11:30 pm

the council of Elrond demands an explanation for this bullshit

That is supposed to be peanut butter and styrofoam that our protagonist is covered in. I don’t know, man. What this picture really needs is Smell-O-Vision.

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