weekly blog arting: eyebrow shwacking

by brandon as blog arting — brandon Tue 30 May 2006 10:45 am

From the random blog bag, I present this entry:

I’ve never had super bushy eyebrows. But I did have some stray hairs that seemed two or three times as long as the rest of my eyebrow hairs. They’d stick up, or hang down every now and then, and sometimes I’d think about just getting rid of them.

So I got out my electric clippers, intending to level all my eyebrow hairs to the same length.

But I wasn’t thinking very carefully about the depth setting on them. I also wasn’t entirely careful about being even and consistent.

And, well.

it is inevitable.

Yeeeap, life lessons learned. That’s it for “blog arting” for a month or so – new projects to show up in its place, that is, so long as Uncle Eric doesn’t come over here to kick my butt, seeing as how it turns out he lives in the same city as I do; but, you know, thinking about long-term consequences, eh.

weekly blog arting: exopolitics

by brandon as blog arting — brandon Mon 29 May 2006 1:26 am

Ok, this is last week’s. I’m doing one more installment of these and the book art entries (later) tomorrow, and then I’m hanging these up for a while in favor of a more serious weekly project. These will be pieces I hang up at home. If things go real real well I may try to hang them up elsewhere too. So.

It’s lucky I haven’t quit this exercise yet, because this week’s material is fantastic. I give you: exopolitics. “The Study of the Politics of Extraterrestrial Contact.” Yeeah. This shit is no joke. The stakes are – well, let’s let our author lay it out for us:

As in the 1940’s and 1950’s I believe we again are at a evolutionary crossroads. We have a second chance to achieve a bright evolutionary future. Lets get it right this time else we either are colonized by predatory alien races or fall back into our preexisting environmental niche because of widespread conflicts and environmental degradation brought about by a failure to adapt to the environmental challenges on the space frontier.

they control our HEADS

A little aside here–
Alien domination is, of course, great fun to draw. I like the idea of physical levers that go into the brain to control motor functions, it’s squicky. I figure alien dominators would have trouble interpreting our facial expressions and probably wouldn’t much care what we thought of them so long as they controlled our limbs and all. So we’d be free to roll our eyes and come up with sarcastic nicknames and just insult them all we like. But we do as the head-aliens tell us. In other words my scenario works just like real life.

The thing I adore about this blog is it’s so old school. You gotta think that when 9/11 happened, and all of everybody was going apeshit, all “things will never be the same,” this guy just stared all that cold in the face: this is nothing. We’ve got aliens among us.

So here’s to Mr. Exopolitics. I choose to believe. If nothing else it’s a more interesting future than the descent into ridiculous hooting tribalism that appears to await us at this point in history. I’m watchin’.

weekly blog arting: where to begin?

by brandon as blog arting — brandon Wed 17 May 2006 12:59 am

where to begin?

Today, after sorting through a bunch of spamblogs and photoblogs and blogs in languages I couldn’t read I dug up this entry.

I love a man that isn’t my husband and he already has a wife. I have two children who deserve a whole mom and this mom has felt (up until recently) like a whole bunch of little pieces of one. I have been smiling more lately and I have tried to spend more time with my kids. The whole detox thing?? Not gonna happen… I jumped off the wagon and just chopped it up for firewood. 🙂 Sorry, guess that wasn’t a good joke but I am just wanting to be happy and complete and for now, that’s how I feel when I have J in my life.

As the samurai Sanjuro says in Yojimbo, very interesting.

The blog carries the subhead: Just general thoughts that come to me during the day nothing too indepth considering this is my first time ever trying to put my thoughts into the written form.

Can’t help but wish this woman luck and strength. (And also maybe hope I didn’t accidentally draw my mind’s eye picture of her too old.)

weekly blog arting: drained

by brandon as blog arting — brandon Tue 16 May 2006 1:09 am

So I draw straws and get a post that goes:

While I’m here, I thought I’d drop a line! I plan on making some changes whenever I get home and decompress (see below). These will involve adding avatar icons for everyone, which I need pictures for. So, send me pictures! Of yourselves, preferably, one that you think would turn into a good smiling face for us all to see by your messages.

and gets real exciting from there. Except for the exciting part. Well, it’s just some guy’s weblog that he’s set up for the family, so it’s okay, really. But is there anything a fearless cartoon illustrator can help with?

We were called in here for what was supposed to be a friendly developer get-together, and quickly turned into a 16-hour day week of horribleness that has drained me so completely that I can’t think of a good metaphor for how drained I am.

Well, Mr. Teske. Funny you should bring this up. I believe I can help you with your metaphor. Let’s break it down into a three-stage process:

drained, part one

drained, part two

drained, part three

I believe this properly illustrates the extremity of the man’s drainage. Don’t you? Yes. My work here is done.

(This one was late. Another blog arting post tomorrow. Yes! Tomorrow.)

weekly blog arting: the prince

by brandon as blog arting — brandon Wed 3 May 2006 12:39 am

...of darkness!

This week’s randomly picked blog entry started like this:

Dear Prince of all things dark…

Why must you torment me so?
Why do you hover when you are not wanted around…?
Is it cause I am weak?
Or is it cause you are?

Think! Pretty Prince…

and so on. What makes it more interesting is the setting: according to the “about me” blurb the author is a young gay man who has recently come out… in Karachi, Pakistan. I don’t think that’s a put-on.

Now, I’m aware that the Middle East and all the -stans of the world aren’t all the same, and the big population centers of Pakistan in particular are cosmopolitan places much like similar cities in India. But still. Coming out in Pakistan can’t be easier than it is in the States, and it’s not like it’s that easy here… so. Can’t really tell what exactly this Devil of his is doing in this poem, but whatever it is, I gotta wish Ozair in Karachi the best of luck with it.

As for the picture, I don’t really have the time to do a lot of research for these Blog Arting posts, so the contents of this street scene are kind of a mixture of stereotype and conjecture I’m afraid. In other words I have little real idea what the hangouts of this guy on the streets of Karachi look like. I did think his Devil cut an interestingly vulnerable figure, so I emphasized that part.

weekly blog arting: s-m-r-t

by brandon as blog arting — brandon Tue 25 Apr 2006 10:43 pm

Ok, I changed the name of this feature for extra cleverness (blog arting? geddit? art blogging, but in reverse! ahahaha I kill me) – that, and obviously I’m unable to hold to an every-Monday schedule for this so why not screw it. So it’s now called “Weekly Blog Arting” and right now it’s where I just pick a blog entry totally at random from Blogger’s feed on their homepage, and, if it’s not a spam blog, I draw a picture based on that entry. That’s the deal. The previous two entries in blog arting may be found here and here.

Well since I started doing this I knew I was going to wind up stumbling upon some nutjob sooner or later and boy did I this week. This is what I found. Apparently somebody’s been sleeping with The Bell Curve under their pillow. I really don’t want to get into a debate with this one because you can tell by reading him and basic internet experience that he’s one of those who’ll just go on and on and on about the scientific basis of inherent racial differences and how your liberal guilt is shielding you from the truth that brave rational types like him don’t flinch to explore and how can these studies be racist, they’re science and paragraph and paragraph and not ten minutes later you’re wishing he’d have just called you a commie cocksucker and been done with it. So I’m tempting the blogofuries with this one but I already did the picture and I read that Invictus poem the other day and I’m feeling all indomitable and shit so here I go.

Happily there is gold in this entry. I speak of course of comedy gold, and the best part is, it doesn’t directly relate to his politics. Check this out:

How do high IQ people rationalize to themselves suppressing mention of national differences in average IQ—especially when they spend so much time thinking about how they, personally, are smarter than other people?


Allow me to present a visual.


This is hilarious! And, who believes this. I have two interpretations of this line. One is resentment: the liberal elite scientific establishment is looking down on you even as we speak. The other is, well – he’s a smart man, he surely considers himself smart, and he writes a great deal about intelligence studies that put him mostly on top of the IQ food chain… so we can also conclude he’s writing from experience! It crystallizes so nicely. And, it’s such a marvelous image – I shall spend my time thinking about how smart I am! – that I had to draw it.

monday friday art: running doesn’t have to suck

by brandon as blog arting — brandon Fri 21 Apr 2006 12:03 pm

so tired.

For my little blog entry art-drawing exercise of the week I drew this entry, just a bit about a woman taking up running. There isn’t that much to do with something like this, but I realized it had been a very long time, if ever, that I’ve drawn somebody who’s winded after a sprint, and since capturing the variety of human expression is what drawing cartoons is all about, it was a worthy enough little exercise.

The woman in the picture was inspired by the blogger Suzanne, without being her, right? This is how I get out of trouble if she somehow tracks down this post and decides to lay into me for making her look stupid. Not that I tried! No, wait, that didn’t come out right. Wait, no! Augh! Not the face!

Can’t win, man. Can’t win.

monday art: why english majors drink jack on the rocks

by brandon as blog arting — brandon Tue 11 Apr 2006 12:26 am

Okay, it’s technically not “Monday Art” anymore, but to me it’s Monday and since I’m dealing with an Audience of One that’s gonna be sufficient. Project two. Illustrate the latest entry of a blog picked at random. Yep, that’s it. Whatever comes up. Except if it’s a linkspam site – those I skip. So, first entry, what do I get?

Well, crap. They took it down. Hmm. I won’t link to the blog, because I figure they took it down for a reason, but I’ve already drawn the picture, so here was the text:

Men of the 21st century reward women of the following female size combination:

* Muscle – small
* Intelligence – medium to large
* Money – X-large
* Obedience – ???

Men, mark your female size for “obedience.” Would you put up with a smart, bitchy, defiant woman, as long as she has a small waist, good intelligence, and money?

Interesting. Author was an English major, by the way. So how should I answer this? Like so!


Trick question! The correct answer is that there is no way a smart, bitchy, defiant woman with a small waist, good intelligence, and cash money is going to put up with me! That’s the answer! My decision is irrelevant! I have no agency here! I– wait.

I think I’m missing something. Allow me to amend my response.

Ahem. “There is no way a smart, bitchy, defiant woman with a small waist, good intelligence, and cash money is going to put up with me!” Not right now! Not where my life is.

There we go. Amended for accuracy an’ stark truth. Happy Tuesday, everyone! On the plus side I just made friends with a kitty that wandered past my back door. Animals are better ‘n people anyway. You laugh now but once you’re done listening to cable news three hours a day for the next week you’ll come around to my way of thinking. Oh yeah. The bitter taste of victory is mine! Happy Tuesday.

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