illustration friday: rain

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Wed 28 Jun 2006 12:04 am

i can't stand the rain

Some days I’m like Missy Elliott, some days this right here is fantasy illustration. This is one of those days. Seriously, Portland, I moved away from Texas so’s I don’t have to deal with this crap. What’s wrong with you?

Alternately, I could work in a nice big anonymizing but – but – refrigerated cubicle farm again. Seriously, 102 degrees and no AC – that was my real life Monday; Garfield’s got nothing on me; oh wait that is always true – 102 degrees and no AC and you’ll be fantasizing about all kinds of things you wouldn’t imagine otherwise. Ah, sleet! How I missed you! Running down my back all icy and pneumonia-causing. Ah, bathtubs full of guacamole! Uh. Ok I should stop now.

illustration friday: dance

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Tue 20 Jun 2006 9:55 pm

ah said dance!

This scene is supposed to be playing out in the Old West, but you never know the way things are these days.

Since I started doing the comic strip I’ve had little spare time for IF, but I’m still going to do it – I just haven’t figured out how I’m going to scale back from doing relatively major productions. I might backpedal into just doing sharpie doodles, or something else that I hope would be interesting concept-wise maybe more than technique-wise. On the other hand maybe I’ll get real inspired next week so who knows?

nobody scores!

by brandon as Uncategorized — brandon Fri 16 Jun 2006 10:51 pm

To the detriment of everyone I have once again started a webcomic. It is called Nobody Scores! and it is a little comic about inevitable disaster, so I figure everyone can relate. The site is a mess but I promised it would start today and so it technically has. It mostly looks okay but all kinds of links don’t work. On the other hand, Textpattern, the CMS I’m using, is a lot more easily customizable than WordPress (though the documentation is in wiki form and sucks), so god willing I’ll be able to finish setting the thing up over the weekend. Then maybe if I ever have time again I can move this blog over to Textpattern and actually be able to make ish look how I want it to look.

Nobody Scores! will be one-panels Monday, Wednesday, Friday and sprawling multi-panels Tuesday and Thursday and with that kind of schedule it’s gonna be my primary focus. Here is still for miscellaneous fun and isn’t going anywhere. Whoo ha! Onlineness.

illustration friday: jungle

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Tue 13 Jun 2006 11:29 pm

I’ve drawn a ton of jungles. As a matter of fact there have been two comics that I developed to various stages of incompleteness that put jungles center stage. One was called Savage Creatures and was about a documentary film crew. The other, more recent one, was called The Cynical King. A bit too high-concept for its own good, it was about a tiny, tiny tropical island and the king who ruled it. I decided to resurrect it for Illustration Friday: redrawing one of the comics, colorizing it, and presenting it on this here blog. This is a image Large enough to force me to use German grammar. That’s right, here we go:

bastard lemurs!

Brief introduction to the characters: big guy’s named Maurice, and his job is all governmental & defense duties on the island. Mostly he’d rather be relaxing in the sun, watching girls, and playing video games, and the way I look at it he’s got a point. The woman’s named Sara. What you can’t tell about her from this comic is that she is a trained ninja badass as well as an ooshy gooshy animal lover. The eponymous King is not to be found in this comic. Among the little island’s very few natural resources is a unique ecology, each facet of which seems designed for maximum inconvenience to humans. You can’t tell from the art but the atmosphere is – and I have notes on this – 50% flies. The bastard lemurs are inspired by (if I recall correctly) the keas of New Zealand, birds that will descend upon your car entirely unprovoked and rip its trim to little pieces. Hostile ecology is fun, and good practice for the new comic strip I’m working on, which should see the light of day on Friday.


by brandon as Uncategorized — brandon Mon 12 Jun 2006 9:46 pm

This is for those of you at The Assimilated Negro who’ve been giving me requests for more TAN-toons. I told you I’d do four pictures and here they finally are. One of them took longer than I thought and when you see it you’ll be able to guess which one. For those, what, three of you stumbling across this post wondering what I’m talking about, I’ve been bouncing around art ideas with the proprietor of The Assimilated Negro (go read it! It’s funny and interesting!) for the past month or so with an eye on some sort of collaborative project in the future. That part is still under wraps. So here we go:

it's about that time for a cracka crackdown

First off we have art for the periodic TAN feature “Cracka Crackdown,” the latest and really the most horrifying installment of which can be found here. As you can see I really got into it, which’ll happen to anybody after just 15 minutes of cable news. Doubt me? Try it, then come back for another look, you’ll see.

Next we have the “I Don’t Give A Fuck” shirt illustrated. For those of you wandering by, read all about it here.

look, I just don't give a fuck.

This is probably something a little more meaningful in NYC than it is here in Portland, but I know what he’s talking about here, ’cause this is like 80 percent of my wardrobe, and at various points in my life it’s been much worse believe me. ‘Course, the fact that I’m in Portland and I’m not inked shifts me a good 10% towards the IGAF column no matter what so hey.

Okay, these next two I feel compelled to warn my four or five readers not coming here from The Assimilated Negro about because they contain cartoon naked nudeness previously not featured on this site and so they may be Not Safe For Work. As a precaution, please kill your boss and possibly your IT department before viewing these images. Once that’s done, scroll down aways to see exposed human flesh!!echo echo echo







First we have “Dear Average-Sized Penis.

expectations vary.

Look, I don’t have anything to add here. If you still can’t tell what this is about, read the post I linked to!

Aaand okay. I nearly flinched at this one. It’s a pretty wild subject to draw, it is the second weirdest thing I’ve drawn (I really should post about #1 sometime) and it presents thorny, thorny problems of comic art timing. But I’ve got a billing to live up to. So here it is. Presenting, a TAN experience: Worst Sex Ever.

you can see how it gets worse

If you’re looking at this fresh, and you have no idea what in God’s name this is about, I reeeeally can’t blame you. But lucky you, here is some reading material: Sex on Shrooms – part one, two, and (where this scene comes in) three. It… it’s a funny story. Really! It’s funny.

TAN readers: when I’m talking about “thorny problems of comic timing” here is what the deal is. Drawing the, uh, climax of this scene is gonna be pretty much straight-up gross. You need comic tension, right? So I had sketched out an “after” picture, and then, having looked at it a while, sketched out a “before” picture. Which is this one. That’s what I went with. Now that I look back on it, the picture itself is not that risqué – look, I’m still shaking off six years of doing full-time art for first-graders, it’s not that easy – I just hope it generates enough tension. I think I probably should have drawn her sillier. Oh well. Hope you guys enjoy the art.

the 2 am time slot

by brandon as Uncategorized — brandon Thu 8 Jun 2006 12:58 am

my drawings
my special drawings

May as well show ’em. These were the sketches Satan pre-empted. I should remember to wear sunglasses when I’m sketching people. Save me the whole “I’m sketching you, but I’m not staring at you all creepy-like” song an’ dance (which I’m pretty good at, but still).

Oh and I take back everything bad I said about ol’ Scratch: sweet, sweet Fafblog came back on that very day! I spent this morning singin to the hills and eatin pies and then I had web design work to do in a hurry.

illustration friday: portrait

by brandon as illustration friday — brandon Tue 6 Jun 2006 8:07 pm

yeah, yeah, hail SatanYeah, yeah.

I’m putting the wraps on my nice little collection of sketches of real-life people (depressingly few hot girls) when my dark master sidles up to me, all “did you look at the calendar?” and I’m all “what the– aw, CRAP” and she’s nodding and smiling, all “there’s only one possible subject for portraits today, am I right?” and I crack wise: “Slayer?” and then the hurting. Look, religious people may get all smug about the piece of information I’m about to impart, but take it from me, because you don’t really realize how true it is until you experience it: Satan’s a bitch.

Doesn’t really smell good either.

Hey, you IFers that manage to drop by: are you noticing fewer new people coming by since the design change? I’m getting a few comments, but the vast majority of them are by people who’ve been coming by and commenting for months (for which I thank you, you’re very nice) and very very few from new sources and I’m wondering if anyone else is noticing the same, that traffic seems to be dropping.

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